she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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