Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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