We're like a lot better than the average bears
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
