You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
