I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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