Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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