Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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