just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
