So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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