My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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