hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
