Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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