remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
