I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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