my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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