oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
