so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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