I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
