How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
