bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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