Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
