Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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