My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
