I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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