My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
