You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
