People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
