this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
