wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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