I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
