I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
