i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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