I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
