Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I believe in your delicious
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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