Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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