Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
