I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
