the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When did angry sex become our thing?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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