If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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