Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just high enough for therapy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
