Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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