I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
