Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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