oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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