good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
