I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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