You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
