How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
