sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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