I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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