i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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