You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
