Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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