we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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