She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
