It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drunk is not a location!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
