Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
