guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we're making bets on your personal life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
