I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
