there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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