at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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