so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
