My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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