Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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