Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
