in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
