So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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