I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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