You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
