I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
