Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
