I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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