Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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