I can't breathe out the right side of my face
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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