I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
