I faked an abortion last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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