I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
