i just google imaged poop.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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