blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
